so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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