I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
