like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
