Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
