I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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