I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You are a genius and a whore.
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