We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
