Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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