I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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