Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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