I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm bleeding and have questions
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