thus making me awesome and them whores
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
