You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
