So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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