Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
