my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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