Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
