pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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