I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i've created a new STD.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize