Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
