Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
