dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
