Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
