spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
