My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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