watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
