Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
