apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
