I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
