So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
