The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
