We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
zippers are such a cool invention
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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