Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
