it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
