Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
