Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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