What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
