who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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