Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
