Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
