420 ftw
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
