Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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