Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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