dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
