I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.