Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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