I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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