Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.