Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola