i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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