go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
