I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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