did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
