Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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