Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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