Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize