maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
