An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
