I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This baby is an asshole
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
