Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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