My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
