My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize