is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
