Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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