she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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