There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
