I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
