I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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