Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
