She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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