I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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