No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize