i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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