Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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