If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
