Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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