2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
